Difference between boys and girls on The UK Choir Tour

Dear Good Manners Devotees':

The Good Manners Family has returned from across the Pond and is back state-side after the Good Manners Daughters' phenomenal UK Choir Tour.

Good Manners Dad and I were so proud of them! Hearing their beautiful voices in such ancient places so jam-packed with history -- well, it's hard to put into words just how I felt.

Needless to say, I got chills. And I teared up. And I had a big smile on my face. Wow.

Imagine singing right next to Isaac Newton's tomb (Westminster Abbey). Or singing where St.Thomas a Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, was murdered (Canterbury Cathedral).

And while they didn't get to sing for the Queen, they did sing right over top of Henry the 8th's grave at St. George's Chapel, Windsor! (I'll bet his bones -- and the bones of Queen Jane Seymour, Charles the 1st and someone else's infant daughter buried there -- were rattling!)

(Side note: The Queen was at Windsor when we first arrived. Her flag was flying over the castle. But at some point during our tour of the castle, she left and her flag was removed. We did see them setting up the Waterloo Room for a charitable dinner to be hosted by Prince Charles that night.)

It was a wonderful musical and historical experience!

Unfortunately, what wasn't so wonderful was the girl choir members' behavior.

Now, it was a long trip (17 days) and it's understandable how people may have gotten a little sick of each other. And I'm not saying that it was all sunshine and daisies with the grownups and boys.

But the girls ... wow. (And I don't mean wow the same way I did when I said wow, as in awesome, about their performances.)

We chaperones have never witnessed anything like it: the backstabbing, the tears, the forming-breakup-forming of factions, the meanness, the language, the alienation, the jealousy (of each other, not of the boys -- they are a little younger).

What made this even more disturbing is that this was a Church Choir.

Our(unlucky) minister (also one of the chaperones) had to hold 3 separate meetings with the girls to talk about their behavior. Treat others the way you want to be treated and don't say anything if you don't have anything nice to say were repeatedly ignored.

The Head Chaperone also held a meeting in which she told them that it would be terrible if all they remembered about the trip were their actions instead of all the spectacular singing.

Singing that they practiced over 4 hours a week since the Fall to perfect.

While "treat others the way you want to be treated" and "don't say anything if you don't have anything nice to say" seem fairly self-explanatory and easy to follow -- apparently it's tough on Middle School and High School age girls when you may be trying to follow them but others aren't. And it's hard not to retaliate.

The boys (in this instance) were totally different. If someone said something, they tended to shake it off, and just ignore the other person. When it was realized there was no reaction, everyone became friends again. No drama.

The girls' behavior nearly upset the balance of the trip -- by making their behavior the focus/memory rather than the singing and the good times. After all the time and effort put into practicing, planning and fundraising, that would have been a terrible shame.

So, Good Manners Devotees', I leave you with these thoughts:

Although it may not be to the same scale, if you've got the urge to really tell someone off, or share a piece of gossip, or make fun of someone ... resist it.

It's a momentary thrill that won't last -- and it will affect how people treat you, and treat you back. And when you think back on what you did, it may not seem so clever and fun as it did then.

In the meantime, now that we're home, we're focusing on the good memories and helping the Good Manners Daughters find the strength to do their part to break the cycle.

Until my next post,

Leslie

P.S. To put this in context, I should add that there were 30 girls on the trip! In hindsight, maybe that should be been a big red flag!

Manners fit for a Queen

Dear Good Manners Devotees':

Over the weekend we sent the Good Manners Daughters off on their choir tour to England.

Good Manners Dad and I will be joining them in a week, just in time for the London leg of their tour. In addition to visits to major tourist attractions such as Big Ben and The Tower of London, they will be singing at Westminster Abbey and Windsor Castle.

We are not sure if the Queen will be there (we were told that she goes to Balmoral at the end of July so she is probably still in residence) so I stressed to the Good Manners Daughters that they had to follow very special manners and rules if they found themselves in the presence of the Queen or -- even better in their opinion -- either Prince William or Prince Harry!

Speaking of manners (what a polished segue, don't you agree?), I had a dandy of a time finding 8 thank you gifts that were thoughtful, appropriate and also fit into their suitcases for the families who are housing them for most of the tour.

I ended up with boxed soap bars (typical) and boxes of Tastykakes to represent our city, Philadelphia (inspired).

(We thought it was fun to give them something American and made in Philadelphia -- but that it might be rude to give them reminders of the Revolutionary War,such as something from Valley Forge Park.)

I carefully wrote out notes personally addressed to the 8 hosts and packed them in order of their stays. Ah -- the sweet feeling of success ...

... however fleeting it is. Sadly, I found out today that several of the children fell ill and host families were scrambled ... and my notes are useless because the Good Manners Daughters are NOT with the families listed on the itinerary. And, because I had used up the handy 8 pack of notes, they did not have blank ones with them to write new ones.

If only I had left them blank, or addressed them generically.

Oh, well. It's the thought that counts, right?

With visions of tea and scones and clotted cream dancing before my eyes,
I look forward to blogging again once the Good Manners Family has returned from "across the Pond."


Leslie

RSVPing is Good Manners

Dear Good Manners Devotee':

Whew! It has been a busy time at the Good Manners House, as I am sure it has been at your house if you have children who are getting out of school.

Our school ends late here -- the 23rd of June! All the other schools around us ended one, two -- even three weeks ago. My niece and nephew live in Louisiana and they've been out since Memorial Day.

Needless to say, the Good Manners Daughters are chomping at the bit, very eager to start summer vacation.

During this wild time, we took the opportunity to show off our newly-cleaned out house (mentioned in my last post) by having a party last weekend. I have one general good manners comment to make for the benefit of party givers everywhere: when someone invites you to a party, please RSVP. It lets the host and hostess know how much food and drinks to purchase and prepare.

That being said, all of our Good Manners guests DID RSVP (41 adults and 16 children). Well, all except for one couple and child (making the total 43 and 17 respectively), who we sort of expected because another person told us (when RSVPing) that she had talked to the mom about the party. But she did not RSVP for that family. It's a technicality, but it still sort of seems a tiny, little, microscopic bit inconsiderate to me.

While all of this has been going on, I have been working on the designs for the new plates and bowls we are hoping to add to the Good Manners Kids Stuff site this summer. And I've also been reviewing proofs for my new book on good sportsmanship that will be available this summer, too. If you'd like to read some insider scoop on self-publishing, check out www.goodmannerskidsstuffpress.blogspot.com when you have a moment.

Until I blog again with tidbits of mannerly stuff, I send you "Happy End of School and Start of Summer Vacation" wishes!

Leslie

KIVA and cleaning out

Dear Good Manners Devotee',

My apologies for not posting sooner. The Good Manners Family has been cleaning up its act over the last two weeks. (I didn't have a good enough excuse to stop cleaning and start posting -- as much as I wanted to!)

Dear Devotees', it pains me to write that not only does the Good Manners Family have a tendency to be pack rats but we seem to be pathologically unable to pick up after ourselves.

There isn't a homework assignment, poem, painting, invitation, coupon, magazine, recipe, book, cat toy, outgrown sweater, hair band, marker, single sock, shopping list, etc., that we haven't kept. I even found many (and I mean many) old plastic baby bottles that I had stored in case we had another Good Manners Baby. That was 9 years ago (and, no, we didn't).

Ironically, I just changed the channel and came upon Clean House. (I miss Niecey Nash.)

Anyway, about the Good Manners Family's newly Clean House -- there's definitely something real about clutter sucking the life and energy out of things. I already feel invigorated.

Plus we've been able to have some Good Manners Friends over without embarrassment. And I'm not yelling all the time for someone to ignore me when I ask someone to pick something up. It's been a long process (and there are still a couple of piles on the dining room table and in the garage that need our attention), but it's just about over. Phew.

All this trash got me thinking about how lucky we are when there are so many people in the world who have so little -- while we have so much excess and waste.

We did donate a lot of our stuff to Good Will and Purple Heart. But I wanted to tell you about this great non profit organization called KIVA, because it's another way we could use our abundance to help others.

The Good Manners Daughters and I recently took some of our proceeds from our site http://www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com/ and made a donation. Here's how KIVA works: they register people from all over the world who are looking for help to make their lives better. The people ask for a loan for their business and you can help them by lending them a portion (or all) of their loan amount. The loan is repayed over a pre-determined time frame.

It was great to involve the Good Manners Daughters in reading all of the stories and making our decision over who would get our first loan. It showed them, too, how many people working together, even just by donating a little money, can really make a difference.

Sort of like how a family, members working together, each doing a little bit of work (i.e., putting that candy wrapper in the trash can) makes light work for the whole entire family.

Is that a stretch to make a point, Devoted Fans? My apologies. It's time for bed -- and a dreamless sleep in our clutter-free bedroom.

Until I post again,

Leslie
http://www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com/

Jon and Kate + 8

Dear Good Manners Devotee',

I find that I just have to write one little thing about this infamous show and couple.

Okay -- maybe two.

The Good Manners Daughters have been obsessed with the show for the last six months. When I would come home from work and put together a nutritious meal (well, maybe it was while I was nuking something in the microwave) I would see repeat after repeat after repeat of the show. Either TLC was loading up the schedule or the Good Manners Daughters were dvd-ing them -- regardless, it was on all the time.

At the beginning, I thought it was cute. I also sort of related to them -- not because of the multiples, but because they are living in the Reading area -- including Wernersville -- where I grew up. And it was fun to hear it mentioned, and see local attractions such as Dutch Wonderland. (We also live outside of Philadelphia so it's all familiar to us.)

But then I would hear Kate over and over and over while I was nuking -- I mean cooking -- dinner, and she really started getting on my nerves. I couldn't believe how she talked to the kids and how she talked to Jon. I said as much to Good Manners Dad and the Good Manners Daughters.

(It also got on my nerves, after having paid for my piano, when I watched the episode where someone gave them a piano. Just to name a few of the free things they've gotten.)

Anyway, I digress. As this is the Good Manners Mom's Blog, my point about bringing up Jon and Kate + 8 is this: you should always try do your best to treat others the way you want to be treated yourself.

I know, I know -- who can be nice 100% of the time? That's why I say try .

The alternative -- well, chances are your bad manners won't be captured on cable tv for millions to see your behavior. But they could be. And that would be embarrassing. And awful. And show you the damage that can be done when you don't treat others the way you want to be treated yourself.

So here's to following the Golden Rule -- and hoping for the Gosselin children sake that their parents will, too.

Leslie
http://www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com/

CNN Study: kids social skills linked to Mom

Dear Good Manners Devotees',

Yesterday I read an interesting article on CNN.com about how mothers' talk is key to kids social skills.

I'm doing my best to make the above cnn.com a live link so that you can go to it if you 'd like to read more -- my apologies if it doesn't work. (Try www.cnn.com/2009/health/05/15/mother.children.social.skills/index.html)

In a nutshell, it details findings of a study that shows "...the way mothers talk to their children at a young age influences their social skills later in life. Children whose mothers often talked to them about people's feelings, beliefs, wants and intentions developed better social understanding than children whose mothers did not."

The article goes on to say that giving children a vocabulary of feelings helps them realize what their emotions are and gives them the ability to describe them in order to become more empathetic.

An example: when a child grabs a toy from another child, instead of saying "don't grab" or "stop it," it would be helpful to say that it makes the other child sad, and that it would make him or her sad if the same thing was done to them. (I actually put that ending onto it, that's how I interpreted it.)

So what am I, Good Manners Mom, trying to say to you, you ask?

That it's never too early to show our children how to treat other people with respect, to treat them the way that they want to be treated. Teaching them to understand feelings and to express their feelings early on can influence how they treat others for the rest of their lives.

Let me rephrase that, it sounds so clinical and preachy -- and yucky and burdensome -- as if you aren't busy enough trying to raise happy and healthy children.

Good manners and respect for other people are just like riding a bike -- at first, learning it is hard, and then once you learn how, it's something you never lose.

Just start using opportunities casually as they come up every day (or every other day or once a week) and soon your child will be well on the way to becoming a caring person with great social skills, and you will hardly realize you've been doing it!

Until next time,

Leslie
www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com

P.S. The article mentions that when the study started 14 years ago, they weren't able to include many dads -- but that today more fathers spend time at home with their young children. So, Dads, you can do this, too!

Joining Twitter and new blog launch

Dear Good Manners Devotee',

Two exciting things have happened that I wanted to share with you.

I have started a new blog, www.goodsportbadsport.blogspot.com and I have signed-up for Twitter.

If you would like to follow me on Twitter, you can click the link on the left underneath where my last 5 Twitter posts will appear. Just follow the easy instructions. Or, you can just check back on the Good Manners Blog for twitters (or it is tweets?) when you come back to read my new posts.

I'll be twittering random manners thoughts/questions/observations -- so if you'd like to be entertained by these little nuggets of -- oh, shall I say "wisdom" -- I hope you'll sign up to follow me.

My new blog, www.goodsportbadsport.blogspot.com is something different than the Good Manners Mom blog. On it, I am blogging about the good sportsmanship issues that we and our children come across. I'll be featuring some guest bloggers (coaches, parents, kids) to keep things interesting. You can click any of the highlighted links to reach it, or access it through my main site, www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com. I hope you'll take a peek at it -- it''s different than this blog but if you have children or grandchildren who play sports, I know you'll find something to interest you.

Next blog, I'll be back with some new manners observations/problems/comments.

Until then,

Leslie
www.goodmannerskidsstuff.com